When Mabel came home from the hospital, Travis and I would joke that we needed signs on the doors, reminders to ourselves: "DON'T FORGET BABY." As long as her diaper was dry and her belly full, she'd go hours without a sound. Despite her older brother creating the chaos only a toddler can imagine, we never forgot her.
As Mabel grew into her personality, her easygoing nature persisted. Her smile was a constant, and strangers often asked if she ever stopped. Only one thing can silence her giggles: doors.
No matter what she's doing – pulling baby wipes one-by-one from the pack we forgot to put out of reach or wandering around sending nonsensical texts to random numbers in my contacts – the sound of a door sliding shut sends her into meltdown. A closed door is a personal affront. It's her call to action, her mission to find a way through.
I heard a scream one day and raced to find Mabel shoving her head through a crack in the closet door to reach her toys. Another time, she wailed in frustration at a Little People nursery toy, determined to fit through an opening that was just too small. She sobbed as she stood in front of the sliding glass door, which I had quickly closed behind the dogs as they went to the bathroom in subzero temperatures.
When I walked into the bathroom this morning, and Mabel started to yell, I groaned and wished for a moment of silence on the toilet. But as much as I dread the tears that come each time I leave a room, I've come to see her contempt for doors as something to celebrate.
I wish I could offer her a world with doors always open to opportunity, with chairs pulled up to any table, spaces waiting for her to explore. But it's better to prepare her for reality, where she might find locked doors blocking her path.
I have encountered many of those locked doors along my own journey, both in my professional and personal life, and becoming a mother has given me a new sense of determination to break through them.
Before starting my current position at CharterUP, I formed my own LLC and worked as an independent contractor for dozens of clients across the country. I had recently read an article in Inc. about how a woman and man switched email signatures for a week and were treated entirely differently by their clients. Since I dreaded sending invoices to collect payment anyway, I decided to test their theory. I created an email alias for “Michael in billing” to send payment reminders, and found that clients paid their balances 27 percent faster and never questioned the line items on the invoice.
I tested the same theory when I needed help from tech support for a service like web hosting or domain management. When I entered a male name instead of my own into the chat form, I no longer had to assure the tech support that I had already tried the suggested troubleshooting steps. It saved me a solid 10 or 15 minutes with each request.
A few years ago, I hired a CPA to prepare my business and personal tax returns. During a meeting, I shared that I planned to convert a detached structure on my property into an office and asked about any tax incentives I might qualify for. He advised against my plan – not because of financial considerations, but because I would be too far away from my children if my office was not located inside my home. I wrote the CPA a letter terminating his service, and asked him to consider whether he would ever make the same statement to a male business owner.
Last year, when I brought my child to the hospital for a sudden fever and severe abdominal pain, the emergency room doctor refused to answer my questions or provide additional information. When I asked a final time for any guidance he could provide, he told me that it was clear I did not understand his medical opinion and that his only option was to repeat the information to my husband who had joined me at the hospital.
My experiences are trivial compared to the blatant sexism and discrimination that some women still face, but they still remind me to do everything my power to teach my children kindness, courage and confidence.
Although I still need to shut doors in my home and keep baby gates locked – my son already taught me what kind of damage can happen when a toddler has a moment alone in a bathroom – I hope that Mabel never stops putting up a fight.
